Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
