I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
