oh god the rape fog is back!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
