3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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