Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
