I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
