I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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