I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I could make wine with my vomit
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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