So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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