he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
