why didn't you poke me back
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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