Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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