Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
