She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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