Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
