and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
