I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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