I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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