There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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