my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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