3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
