they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
