You really coming over, don't trick.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
