I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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