Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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