There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
