Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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