Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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