Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
