Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
