i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
