At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
