im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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