My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
