And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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