I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
