I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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