You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize