I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
