i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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