I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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