Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
