Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
