I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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