you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
