i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
