i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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