That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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