i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My feet surprised me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
