Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
