Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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