it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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