Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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