I got chris browned last night
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
