that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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