You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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