I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I understand Curling. That high.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
