it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
