So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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