I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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