Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
