i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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