Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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