U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I need moral support for this bender
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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